How to Eat a Game

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Open box, remove contents. Discard plastic bags.

Soak board in water with a touch of lemon juice.

Put pawns and wooden cubes in a lightly greased pan, sprinkle with coriander, and bake in oven at 400 degrees for one hour.

Heat canola oil in large frying pan. Shuffle cards, cut into 1/2-inch strips. Dip the strips into raw egg and bread crumbs, deep-fry for twenty minutes.

When board is thoroughly soaked, carefully remove paper from board. Scrape all glue into mixing bowl. Discard paper.

Tear up rules. Soak bits in sherry and diced chives and roll into balls.

Assemble cube tower. Tenderize with hammer.

Add the fried cards, rule balls and roast pawns to the mixing bowl and stir. Shave cubes with sharp knife, add to mixture to taste.

Cover mixing bowl with aluminum foil.

Get in car, drive to zoo, strangle kangaroo. Extract juice from pineal gland with a sturdy syringe. Hide evidence of foul play in pouch.

Return home, remove aluminum foil, squirt kangaroo extract liberally onto mixture.

Stuff the mixture into the cube tower with spatula, roll tower in softened board.

Broil for two hours.

When done, garnish with dice and serve with tossed tiles.

Bon appetit!

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